"I Never" for Parents

There’s a drinking game that college students play called “I Never.” Players go around the circle and say things like, “I never cheated on a biology quiz,” and if anyone in the group has cheated on a biology quiz, they have to take a drink of whatever they’re drinking. So, I’ve come up with an “I Never” version for parents. Grab your beverage of choice (mine this morning is strong, black coffee), and play along.

I Never…

1. Picked out all the good candy for myself from my kids’ Halloween bags before they woke up the next morning.
2. Knowingly left my baby in a wet or soiled diaper while she slept because I was too exhausted to change her.
3. Gave my kids cereal for supper because either a.) I was too tired to fix anything else or b.) groceries were so low, there wasn’t anything else to fix.
4. Drove too long in first gear (or if your car is automatic, drove dangerously) because one hand was in the back seat putting a paci back in a screaming infant’s mouth.
5. Threatened to turn the car around on the way to the park, a party, Chuck-e-Cheese, (fill in the blank) if your kid did _______(fill in the blank) one more time, but didn’t keep your promise when they did it again (and again, and again).
6. Dressed your son in Barbie panties on a school day because all of his underwear was dirty.
7. Anywhere from Halloween through Dec. 24 told your kids that Santa may not bring toys this year if they kept acting ugly.
8. Drove my kids around for an hour, and wasted perfectly good, expensive gas, because I was desperate for them to take a nap.
9. Borrowed a grocery cart and pushed my kids around the streets of Chapel Hill, (fill in the town) because their feet were tired and I didn’t have a stroller.
10. (Or my spouse has never) dropped the f-bomb in earshot of the kids.

My coffee mug is empty. And yours?