Happy Bird-Day to Me...Almost

It's March 1 and that means my birthday is right around the corner. I'm not allowed to tell you which day it is, and I'm not allowed to tell you why I'm not allowed to tell you...most of you know already anyway. But with every March 1 that rolls around, it puts me right back to the 3rd day of my mom's last 10 days. I count back to the day that I was called home that final time. It's been four years but, honestly, this anniversary time doesn't feel very different from the first. Except that now I have blogging. And man, do I love blogging! I never knew writing for an 'audience' would resonate so well with me. But it does. Even for the lurking readers that I imagine are out there that I know nothing about. Because I do feel like there are lurkers. I am a lurker and read many more blogs than I let on about.

I have begun and will continue the rest of these ten days to write in depth about losing my mother and really, my family. However, I can only imagine what a downer that might be to the readers of this blog, so I have decided to create a new blog devoted to this writing that you can either take or leave.

This just-around-the-corner bird-day is a significant one for me, the big three five. For a woman, 35 is the magic age when fertility rates start dropping off dramatically and chances for conceiving a child with birth defects begin to sharply rise. I remember vividly taking with a friend, before I even got married, about my desire to have three children before I turned 35. Oops, missed that goal. Unless I've mothered children out there that I'm not aware of. I do think I'm finished giving birth, but I have not given up on the idea of being a mother to more children. I've always wanted three children, and I'm sure that has a lot to do with my having two siblings. Both of my kids have been sick this week, and David and I have been reminded of the unpleasant sides of parenting and living with miserable kids. I've been told to remember this week when a.) I start having serious daydreams of having more kids and b.) wishing I were a full-time SAHM.

But, I do daydream that one day we might adopt a brother and a sister, maybe from a Spanish-speaking country, maybe from China, maybe from down the street. If we could ever afford it. But I found out recently that adopting from the state's foster system is free. We shall see.

So in addition to my insides beginning to dry up, 35 also signifies the year I'll get my first mammogram as breast cancer runs in my materal family line. But I hope it's also the year I run my first marathon and the year I begin graduate school. And, hey, I'll be old enough to run for president. Would you vote for me if I ran for president? I wouldn't either.