Fact is Funnier Than Fiction

I don't see myself ever writing stories or blog posts about made-up people, because the people I encounter every day provide all the material I need.

Since when did Trick-or-Treating start before it got dark? I didn't get home from work yesterday until almost 6:30 PM...with all of the candy to pass out, and supper, picked up from Harris Teeter. David and the kids were nowhere to be found. Lots of people were already walking around our neighborhood. I lit a candle and put our jack-o-lantern out by our mailbox, turned our porch light on and emptied the candy into a bowl, changed clothes, and then wondered why everything felt so rushed. A few minutes later, David, Batman and Belle came walking back up and they had already been out for close to an hour. What? David said that when he, Grace, and Johnny drove up at 5:30 PM, there were already kids walking up our driveway. He rushed inside and the only candy he could find was the loot that the kids got at the parties we went to this weekend. So he started to give away their private stash! Also, he told me, he panicked, and gave some little girl some crayons. That weren't even new. From Grace's and Johnny's private stash. On the radio the other day, I heard a DJ talking about the guy at the end of the street that runs out of candy and starts handing out pennies. They warned everyone to buy enough candy so they don't become their street's weird-guy-that-gives-out-pennies-for-Halloween. David became that guy! By the time that I got home, Trick-or-Treating was almost over! But we did get some customers and my kids helped me pass out candy. Grace was giving out huge fistfulls, but the kids didn't mind, and I didn't either because I didn't want all the extra candy hanging around our house.

And since we're all into "ET" at our house, we started pretending that ET and Elliott were out in our neighborhood Trick-or-Treating. Grace wanted to be Gertie, Johnny wanted to be Elliot, and they, of course, wanted me to be ET. Please tell me that I in no way resemble something that looks like this.

Today I took Grace and Jonny for their annual physicals. Grace is 44 1/8 inches tall and weighs 38 lbs. Johnny is 42 1/4 inches tall and weighs 44 lbs. He's a rough and tumble little hoss, but he still wants to be held and cries tears when he gets his shots. It was very difficult getting through their check-up without losing my cool. Luckily there was this moment during the eye exam where I laughed out loud and got shot a dirty look by the nurse:

Nurse: Ok, Grace, it's your turn. Stand on that black line, and cover up one of your eyes with your hand. Ok, great. Now look at this chart. Do you see the shapes?

Grace: Yeth.

Nurse: Ok, great. Now what shape am I pointing to?

Grace:

Nurse: Ok, Grace, am I pointing to a circle or a square?

Grace: A rectangle

And speaking of delightful developmentally delayed people...after dropping the kids off at SFFA, I swung by Whole Foods for lunch. The bagger must have thought the salmon, fruit, and pasta I was buying looked really good, because out of the blue she said,

Bagger: What did you have for dinner?

Me: (pause) Oh, you mean for dinner last night?

Bagger: Yes.

Me: Oh, I had quesadillas.

Bagger: Mmm. That sounds good.

Me: (pause) What did you have for dinner last night?

Bagger: Rice. But it wasn't very good. I'm hungry. You have a great day.