Johnny B. Three

Way up in Appalachia, close to Tennessee
We planned a birthday party for a boy turning three.
With Daniel, Sheila, Granddabs, even 'Uncle' Kate,
Everything was set up for the perfect fete.
Presents, cake, and ice cream, all ready to go.
Let's get the party started, let's put on a show.

Go go
Go Johnny Go
Go
Go Johnny Go
Go
Go Johnny Go
Go
Go Johnny Go
Go
Johnny B. Three


Johnny loved his gifts, there was a Spiderman theme.
Everything he opened made him smile and beam.
He shared his new toys with his big sister Grace.
Delighted with the loot, you should have seen her face.
It didn't long, though, for Grace to break down,
When asked for them back, she threw the toys on the ground.

Go go
Go Johnny Go
Go
Go Johnny Go
Go
Go Johnny Go
Go
Go Johnny Go
Go
Johnny B. Three

His mother said she loved him, her sweet little boy
But before the party ended, there was one more toy.
Mommy went and wheeled out the final surprise
She could tell it was a hit by the size of his eyes.
"A 'motorcycle' bike! Cool! All for me"
"You bet, you sweet thang, just for turning three!"

Go go
Go Johnny Go
Go
Go Johnny Go
Go
Go Johnny Go
Go
Go Johnny Go
Go
Johnny B. Three

The ABC's of Years 1, 2, 3

I consider kids babies, to an extent, as long as they still have those dimples on their hands right around their finger joints. Well Johnny and Grace both still have those dimples, but I think it's time to come to terms with the fact that neither of them are babies anymore. We probably won't have anymore babies and it makes me sad to think so. But also happy that our family is moving on through other phases and that we're through with blow-out diapers and colic. Sleep deprivation and strained peas. We'll hang on to stories and kisses and swinging at the park. Below is my attempt at capturing the baby years in a way that will be fun to look back on.

Autism, ABC’s

Boy, Breastfeeding, Blow-Out Diapers, Blue’s Clues, Baby Einstein, Bathtime, Bouncy Seat, Boone trips, Baby Backpack, Beach, Birthday parties, Batman, Ba Ba

Cozy Nook, Car Seats, Crocs, Crafts, Cheerios, Chocolate milk, Cheese sticks, Chunky legs, Chipmunk cheeks, Camping, Crying, Colic

Dora the Explorer, Disney Princesses, Driving around until the kids fell asleep, Diaper Bags, Daycare, Dress Up, Dancing, “Dat Dow”

Elmo, Ernie

Family bed, Furberizing, First everythings, Formula, Front Pack, Friends, Family, Fatigue

Growler (The), Gum, Gree Gree, Geesh, Gace, Gwace, Goodnight Moon, Grandmama, Granddabs, Grandma Mo, Grandpa George

Hard Toys, Hitting Johnny, Halloween costumes, Hugs, Haircuts, Happiness

Ice Cream, Irish music, Iowa Trips

Juice Boxes, Johnny Jump-Up, Ja Ja

Kindermusik, Kisses

Lammie, Learning to walk, Laughing, Letters

Miss Diane, Miss Beth, Museum of Life and Science, MerleFest, Mackins, Meltdowns

Nose wipes, Naptime, Norah Jones, “No Covers!”

Oscar the Grouch, OT, Onesies

Pacis, Physical Therapy, Playdates, PJs, Pull-Ups, Popsicles, Playing at the park, Puzzles, Preschool, Pony Rides, Pittsboro Elementary School, Potty Training, Poop toys

Questions, Quarters for Gumballs, Quesadillas

Rhino Kicker, Rocking to sleep, Reading stories, Running around our house in circles

Spanish For Fun Academy, Sesame Street, Sleep deprivation, Sleeping through the night, Sunday School, Sippy Cups, Swinging, Singing, Show And Tell, Strollers, Smiles

Teletubbies, Tummy Time, Two Babies, Time Out, Tichenors

University Mall, Underwear, “Up,” Unconditional Love

Vomitting in Public Places, Vacations

Wiggles (The), Weaver Street, Walks, Whining, “Watch ‘iss”

X-er Saucer, Xylophones

Yoly, yogurt

Zoo, Zoe (Sesame Street)

Don't Try This At Home, Kids

I've got a few things to straighten out before I can post again...

Are Your Family Reunions This Much Fun?

Below is an e-mail I got today about a family reunion (on my mom's side) that is coming up in Louisville, KY. I think I can say, withouth a doubt, the Ballantines put on the best family reunions ever.

"Ballantines--Nancy Bell is hosting a barbecue picnic on Saturday night of the Aug 25-27 reunion. She has arranged for a caterer to pull his trailer into her driveway and serve ribs or a pulled barbecue sandwich plus two sides (coleslaw, potato salad, or baked beans) for $10 per person. Soft drinks and mixer will be there, as well as a keg of beer, thanks to Nathaniel and Keith. We need a headcount of how many are coming, plus how many want ribs and how many want pulled barbecue. Please send your headcount and preferences to me via email by August 14. And remember to bring whatever other beverage, music, video, instruments you may want."

a little sanuk (sanuk means 'fun' in thai)

My cousin, a Peace Corps Volunteer in Thailand, sent this list out in an e-mail. I decided to post my answers here.

A) Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Building Supervisor, Student Union, UNC
2. VISTA Volunteer, Northwest Florida
3. Director of Satellite Centers, Durham Tech Community College, Orange County, NC
4. Executive Administrator, Lucy Daniels Foundation
B) Four jobs I would like to have in my life:
1. Director of a really cool nonprofit that does really cool work
2. Full-time Freelance writer
3. Professional Clown
4. Event Planner
C) Four movies I would watch over and over:
1. Sixteen Candles
2. Rushmore
3. Lightfoot Home Videos
4. Bridget Jones’s Diary
D) Four places I have lived:
1. Bloomington, IN
2. Columbus, OH
3. Boone, NC
4. De Funiak Springs, FL
E) Four TV shows I love to watch:
1. The Sopranos
2. Sex and the City
3. Friends
4. Northern Exposure
F) Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Greece
2. Wales/England
3. Huerfano Valley, Colorado
4. Bay Area, California
G) Websites I visit daily
1. gmail.com
2. blogger.com
3. salon.com
4. all of my friends' blogs
H) Four of my favorite foods:
1. Lime Popsicles
2. Owensboro, KY BBQ
3. Strawberry Ice Cream
4. Twizzlers (is that a food?)
I) Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Greece
2. Wales/England
3. Huerfano Valley, Colorado
4. Bay Area, California

J) Four favorite books
1. The Sun Also Rises, Ernest Hemingway
2. Saint Maybe, Anne Tyler
3. Raney, Clyde Edgerton
4. The Last American Man, Elizabeth Gilbert (I laughed, I cried)

Yeah! The Gym!

Yesterday when I picked the kids up from "Spanish For Fun Dot Com" (as they call it--their daddy created the website after all) I asked them who wanted to go to the kid room at the gym. They both started jumping up and down and screaming (in a good way), "The gym! The gym! Yay, we're going to the gym!" Ha! I've tricked them into thinking the gym is a fun place to go. Heck, I've tricked myself into thinking that they gym is a fun place to go. Then on the way to the gym, I kept hearing familiar snippets from the backseat like, "Every little thing gonna be alright." And then "Jamaica" and then "big volcanos" and then "Reggae." All of this coming from Grace. I said, "Grace, who taught you all of that?" She said, "Guitar Boy." Apparently "Guitar Boy" has been teaching the kids at preschool about reggae music, Jamaica, and stuff of that nature. When we got home, we pulled out some reggae and all danced around for a jammin' fun time.

Weekend Minutiae (a little long and possibly a little boring)

Friday, My Day "Off:" Usually I take Grace to Occupational Therapy from 9-9:30 AM, but because she sported a temp of 101.1 the day before, I cancelled her appointment. I also cancelled her 12:45 PM therapuetic playdate at the OT/ST office (this is where a younger girl's mother has asked Grace to join her daughter in her daughter's Speech Therapy lessons as a role model). Grace as a role model for speech and how to communicate? I'm thrilled she's come along so far. Basically, Grace gets an extra hour of private ST a week for no extra charge to us. But instead, Grace, Johnny and I went to the Chapel Hill Public Library and then to University Mall to Chik-Fil-A.

They had the coolest piece of artwork displayed at the library that I have to tell you about. It was this toddler-sized paper mache pony up on its hind legs that was covered with hundreds of tiny toys. All of the stupid little Happy Meal toys or toys that come out of gumball machines (we have several of those tiny ninjas laying around our house) were glued to this structure to make the pony. The pony's mane and tail were fashioned out of doll hair and the doll faces and bodies were on it too. It's hard to explain but it was very cool and the kids were told they could touch it. It's the kind of project I'd like to see us doing at home, and with David being the artist, and me getting crafty now and again, it is possible.

Grace was too sick to go to school but not sick enough for me to cancel my standing Friday afternoon playdate with my friend Amy and her two children. We met at Meadowmont for ice cream at Lickety Split (I told Amy about Grace's temp, in case you were wondering. I'm not one of those moms). Let's see, after bringing dinner home and getting the kids to bed, we watched "Melvin Goes to Dinner," an arthouse-section movie that was alright.

Saturday: We haven't been to the beach all summer, so David and I had planned on taking a day trip to Wrightsville Beach and Wilmington on Saturday. After his 10-mile run (!) early Sat. morning, we checked the weather forecast, saw that it called for afternoon thunderstorms, and decided to do something local instead. So, we went to one of the public beaches at Jordan Lake since we live like only fifteen minutes away. Not quite the same, but pretty close to what we wanted: sand, sun (but not too much), water and fun. Whereas Grace didn't want to have anything to do with the water last summer, she got in yesterday and the kids and I had a truly fun time splashing around in the shallow end. Not "fun" like
I'm-having-fun-because-my-kids-are-having-fun, but fun-because-I'm-having-fun fun. I gave up on reading my book while the kids played by themselves, because they weren't playing by themselves. David had time to sit and work on a website update, pretty much uninterrupted.

When we got hungry, we jetted to Pittsboro for an old-fashioned lunch at the soda shop. Later for supper we grilled shrimp, chicken and vegetables, mixed it with cous cous and ate outside. David continued to work on the computer while I read my 4 Blondes novel. (Western Otto: if you're reading this, Mountains Beyond Mountains is next on my list. I promise).

Sunday: We haven't been to church all summer, so I took the kids to Sunday School. Another break for David...aren't I nice? It was nice to reconnect with familiar faces and to feel the simplicity of greeting your neighbors and feeling like even though you've been away for a long time, people were happy to see you and that you belonged.

Today we got the rain that it called for yesterday, so in the afternoon, we asked the kids where they'd like to go to get out of the house. They both agreed on University Mall (?)--again. We all four went there, but Johnny just wanted to sit at Hungate's and play with the Thomas train table and the little knights and pirate figures beside the train table the whole time and threw a fit when it was time to go to another store. We gave him some chances to pull it together, but he couldn't, or didn't, so we got in the car and went home. He was hoppin mad at that point, and took off his one of his "croc" shoes (for those not in the know, crocs are the latest craze in summer footwear and we all have a pair. Except for David) and threw it at me. Crocs are lightweight but still, I'm not having any of that behavior. We were already heading home, so I told him that was very ugly behavior and he would have to go to his room when we got back. More sobbing and blubbering and saying that he didn't want to go to his room. A few moments later, I got hit in the face with the other croc. Can you believe this guy? It was about 3:30 PM now, and I wanted to make a 4:00 yoga class at the gym. Finally, I was going to get my hour, but I felt sorry that David would have to deal with Johnny's nonsense because he was full-on hysterical. He wouldn't stop crying, so I asked him if he'd like to go to the kid room at the gym while I went to yoga class. He said yes, and stopped crying immediatley. I said he'd have to keep it together and apologize for acting ugly, and that he'd have to go to his room for a little while first (this sent him back into fits of crying). We made it home, sent Johnny to his room (WAAAA!), he did stop crying, he apologized, and we went to the gym. The kids played for an hour in the kid room, I had a great yoga class, and David got, well, another break.

The weekend's almost over but I'm looking forward to story time, a little more reading and reruns of Grey's Anatomy. All considered, I'd give the weekend a 7.5 out of 10.

Oh, I registered for the race in Nov. at the Outer Banks: David for the marathon and me for the half. It's official! Johnny's birthday is in eight days so I'll be blogging about the preparations for that...the gifts, the party, the joy...but also the emotions I'm feeling as my kids both leave the baby years.

How To Spend $18.99 at a Thrift Shop and Know You've Really Scored

I've just spent way too much time (but not way too much money) at this great Thrift Shop in Cary called "Dorcas Thrift Shop." (Weird name, great stuff). Here's what I bought for a total of $18.99:

1. Beauty and the Beast book (1) .75
2. Beatuy and the Beast book (2) .75
(Johnny and Grace like to have everything the same, so if I can accomplish that for a buck fifty, we're all happy).
3. Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed .75
4. Four Blondes book byCandace Bushnell (you know, Sex and the City?) .50
5. Decorative mirror that I intend to beautify with mosaic-tiled pieces 2.00
6. Pair of Calvin Klein jeans (and they were half off!) 1.00
7. Denim mini skirt 2.00
8. A little black dress that I didn't really need (but then again, can 5.00
a woman really have too many?)
9. A short navy dress that I didn't really need either. I tried it 5.00
on, and even though it's too short for church, (WWJS? "What Would Jesus
Say?") it fits in all the right places, and I have fantasies of wearing it to
a nice dinner out with David.
SubTotal: 17.75
Tax: 1.24
Total:$18.99
***I have to admit, paying $5.00 for each dress was a little steep for me, but I figure for the price of a couple of Happy Meals, it's worth it, even if I never wear the navy one out of the house.

Be Fri

Every girl dreams about having a best friend whom she can share everything with and I found that best friend, Monica, in the 6th grade. We met on the "Cheerwine" softball team where one summer we were undefeated and another we lost every game. I don't know what Monica saw in me, but in her I saw a girl with spunk, confidence, and so much charisma, I just couldn't stay away. Wow, to consider the things we've been through. Band, chorus, Youth Group, Camp Tekoa. Monica introduced me to the Monkees and Metallica, BlackMountain Music Fest, and MerleFest. In the 8th grade, she convinced me to take out my hair barrettes and start parting my hair on the side rather than in the middle for a "sexy" look and to loosen up a bit by cutting a few bangs. We did everything together and people got used to us being a pair. She carried a laughing box (remember those?) in her backpack around high school and we just laughed and laughed as we walked the halls with this man's voice cracking up out of the blue. We had code names and nicknames for everything and everybody, a private language that only the two of us understood. Spending the night at her house was way more fun than at my house, because we got to sleep in her family's camper, drink hot chocolate and Mountain Dew (sometimes at the same time), and sneak peaks of her brother's dreamy best friend, "Chris Jones, 11th Grade" (as opposed to "Chris Jones, 9th Grade," who wasn't cute at all). I've never laughed harder or more often than with Monica, and we still think anything to do with chickens is hilarious. We used to talk about getting those "Best Friend" necklaces where one person wears "be fri" and the other person wears "st end."

People were surprised that we went away to different colleges, wondering how we would ever get along separated. But we visited each other, me to UNC-G where she went, and her to Carolina. Monica was always one step ahead on everything "in," and I've struggled, even now, to keep up. She told me in 1990 to go check out a new band called "Nirvana" at the Cat's Cradle in Chapel Hill, but I didn't and forever since have wanted to kick myself. We did catch the Dead Milkmen that year, though, and years later the Grateful Dead, the Chili Peppers, Foo Fighters, James Taylor, Jimmy Buffet and more. Monica rose to the top of her career in no time, and now can be heard all across the NC airwaves as a wildly popular DeeJay who gets to meet and interview the likes of Gene Simmons and Ozzy Osbourne. I'm so proud of her and her accomplishments, and I just beam when I hear her voice on the radio, and think, "Dat's right. I knew her when..."

Happy Birthday Week, be fri, you crazy chicken!

Summer Lovin'

Johnny saw this picture and said, "What are those turtles doing, Mommy?"
"Uh," I said, "Wrestling?" Theses "wild" turtles (no pun intended) live in our yard and hang out in the grass every now and then. David said he saw a baby turtle meandering the yard a few weeks ago, and we think it's great the turtle family is growing. We watched the turtles do their thing and then the one on top walked off. The one on bottom looked around for a few moments afterwards and poked off in the other direction as if to say, "Is that it?"

Sarah Is...A Punk Rocker

Not really, but I pretended to be yesterday at the gym on the treadmill between miles 6 and 7. I listened to the Ramones "Sheena Is a Punk Rocker" like 4 times in a row to keep my pace. I'm proud to say that I ran 7 miles in 67.50 minutes. But, the other day, outside in the blistering heat, I could only run 2.5 miles. What gives? And just when I've caught up with David and his 7-mile runs, he's bumped up to 8 miles. What gives?

On another note, I found a pair of Spiderman underwear in my gym backpack yesterday and it made me happy and sad. Johnny is about to turn three, and in many ways, this birthday marks the end of the baby years, which is hard for me to face.

Re-Connectin' Again

Recently a group of WHS graduates (Class of 1990 and around in there) has reunited here in the Triangle at various eateries, backyard parties, playdates and parks to catch back up, get to know each other's spouses and kids, go over old times, and forge new bonds. I'm married to someone who admittedly thought that life in Norton, OH ceased to exit when he ventured south twelve years ago, scarcely to return. So he finds it odd (uncanny even?) at the number of "Boone" people that I run into and keep in touch with. It started after college when Josh B., Matt, Randy and I (and our spouses and siblings) started hanging out regularly, forming friendships that, to me, transcended anything we had going on in High School. Randy's home is in Massachusets now, but when he comes to visit his folks in Cary, we find a way to get the Boone crew together. Randy was the long-haired, leather-jacket-wearing new guy from Egypt, in 11th grade, with enough mystery to keep us interested and guessing. Now he's following the American Dream in a picturesque, sleepy harbor town near Boston, where he enjoys perfect beach days, developing an organic lawn-care business and catching up with friends over a hot cup of coffee or cold beer. Josh B. and I go back to 9th grade when he dated a good friend of mine and accidentally got blessed out by me for calling during suppertime (I mistook him for a pest that used to call me a lot. Sorry, Josh). Our first-borns entered this world one day apart, and each year since (I can't believe they're about to turn 5!) we've rung in their birthdays together along with proud aunts, uncles, grandparents and mutual friends. Matt is practically a Lightfoot and feels like a brother to me, and Kate and Daniel. We were dance partners in the 7th-grade production of "Ducktails and Bobbysox" (wouldn't you like to get your hands on that footage!), and I never would have predicted that twenty-two years later Matt and I would be laughing at inappropriate things my dad said or planning joint family birthday gatherings over Labor Day weekend. 'Mon Heelz.

Erik, Judy, Josh H., and Lee (and Keith, and one day Colby and Lane) have been added, or re-introduced to the mix recently. Lee was always a very likable, easy going guy growing up, as I recall, and he's married a truly delightful woman who I felt like I could talk to forever. Judy moved to Boone and was in my class in 5th grade. We became fast friends and I fondly recall spending days at her house learning how to fold oragami paper cranes, boxes and balloons with beautiful patterned papers. One of my friends had a crush on Josh H. in the 8th grade. He took another one of my friends to the 9th-grade Homecoming Dance. Josh is the one who said to me, "You made it," before I had seen my name on the All-State Band list. When I come across the word "pensive" I think of Josh H., because Mrs. Benson, High School English teacher, referenced Josh as being pensive one afternoon. It stuck. Speaking of Mrs. Benson, her son Erik was always the smartest guy in the room from as early as I can remember. Make that as early as the 3rd grade. That was my first year in Boone, but Erik was always the one to beat in Chess, in Spelling Bees, in anything academic. The lore (was it true?) that got around fast was that Erik read dictionaries front to back just for fun. Erik and his adorable kids met us for dinner back in March and I hadn't seen him for at least 16 years. It didn't take long to break the ice (never does when young children are involved) for at our second meeting, a music-time playdate in his backyard, I found myself wrapped up in a pink, fluffy boa, all inhibitions tossed to the wind, dancing around the yard belting, "We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine," while Johnny and Grace looked on in disbelief.

I've been connected to these people since third grade, our common public schooling experience etched in our collective schemas whether we like it or not. I didn't actually spend significant amounts of time hanging out with these people in HS (with the exception of Randy and Josh B.). But now Josh H. and David do similar work and exchange professional experiences over chips and salsa. Josh H. ended up marrying Emily, a popular girl from my sister's class (yes, another one from Boone! They're everywhere!), so she was coming to Kate's birthday parties at my house over 25 years ago!

Do I enjoy these people because they're from Boone, like me, or in spite of the fact that they're from Boone? Who knows. The point is, we're all older, a little bit wiser, on the other side of adolescence, and are getting to know the grown-up versions of the kids from Boone we feel like we've known forever.

Half Marathon?

I've decided to down-grade and train for a half-marathon rather than the full, because November 9th is really not that far away and I have some other "big projects" going on right now. Will you still respect me in the morning?

My First Query Letter

Composing the Query Letter was difficult for me, because this topic is so broad and so important to me that I had a hard time narrowing down the ideas that I'd like to cover. I got the query letter posted to my classmates the last day of our vacation from the hotel room while David was swimming with the kids. Only the instructor has responded so far, but her comments have encouraged me to keep going with this. She said that it's an excellent query letter on a very important topic and she has no "nudges" for me or suggestions on how to make the query letter better. She said it's ready to go. Just for fun, here's my letter:

Dear Mrs. Magazine Editor:

Women hear a lot these days about hormone replacement therapy as it relates to dropping estrogen levels and menopause, but we don't hear enough about hormone imblance and the havoc it can cause in the years (as many as 20 years!) leading up to the "change of life."

In a 1200-word article, I will share first-hand experience and research, as well as expert knowledge, about the signs and symptoms of endocrine hormone imbalance in pre-menopausal women and practical steps to take to restore balance and vitality to feel and live well. Topics covered include:

• How to communicate clearly with your healthcare provider about what ails you, even if your symptoms seem vague and difficult to articulate
• The science that shows that physical and psychological complaints of PMS are often the result of low progesterone, not low estrogen
• The many "estrogen-like" substances and stressors abundant in our environment that further tip estrogen into excess and throw the hormones off-balance
• Once one hormone imbalance is detected (e.g. low progesterone) very often additional hormone imbalances will surface, (e.g. low thyroid and low adrenals) as a woman's endocrine system is an intricate and connected web of functions
• Over-the-counter hormone support in the form of vitamins, supplements, herbs, nutrition, and exercise
• The difference between synthetic and bio-identical hormone therapies and which treatment experts recommend

I am a thirty-four year old mother of two whose life for the last few years has been riddled with bone-crunching fatigue, depression, foggy thinking, irritability, pre-menstral tension and acne, and general malaise that is rooted in at least three endocrine hormone imbalances. Through extensive research, tenacity, patience, a willingness to try new treatments, and an attitude that feeling well again is worth the effort and money, I am finally getting a grip on my personal hormone hell. If you are interested in my sharing what I've learned and am learning with other pre-menopausal women, please contact me at the e-mail address or phone number that is listed below.

Sincerely,

Sarah L. Knows-A-Lot-About-This-Stuff

Writing Class Update

So, I'm halfway through this online magazine writing class that I'm taking for the second time. I enrolled five years ago when I was pregnant with Grace and read all of the material but didn't complete any of the assignments. This time I'm completing the assignments and am taking everything seriously in hopes of publishing some articles and maybe even making a little extra money.

One of the first assignments was to brainstorm 50 topics on which to write. Then we narrowed our list down to our top 10 and posted our list for feedback. Here's my list (in no particular order).

1. PMS: A lot of it IS all in your head
2. The truth about why married people have affairs
3. What is "Sensory Integration Disorder" and how to help a child who struggles with it
4. Your son loves to dress up in girls' clothes: now what?
5. Hormone balance: what every woman between the ages of 30-50 needs to know. (It may not be what you think)
6. 10 toys that you can find around your house (without spending a dime at Toys-R-Us) that will delight your baby or toddler
7. Why it's important (and possible) for many moms to work full-time and serve the role as primary caregiver
8. It's 12:00 PM: Do you know who's reading your blog?
9. 5 steps to a perfect weekend camping trip
10. The top 5 reasons reading to young children will help them in the long run.

Fellow classmates and the instructor commented on my list and people said they loved the titles and would read the articles just based on them. One person especially liked #1 and #5, another liked #4 and doesn't even have children. The instructor said she tried to pick a favorite but said all of the topics were her favorite. These are topics that I either know a lot about or know someone who does. (I don't know first-hand about #2, but I work with a PhD whose life work is about this topic, so I thought about interviewing him).

I settled on developing #5, and so the next step is to "bubble" the main idea into topics and sub-topics that become the body of your article. Most magazine articles are written after being "queried," so the query letter was the next assignment.

Road Trip, Part 2

Driving Day #2, Owensboro, KY to Urbana, Illinois. So we left the reunion at about 5:00 PM and only drove about four hours to Urbana, Illinois. Can't remember anything of note about the drive, but, oddly, we have several connections to Urbana-Champaign and the University of Illinois. Dr. Jonathan Fineberg, art historian and featured speaker at The Lucy Daniels Foundation's (where I work) annual lecture on art and psychoanalysis this past Feb. is from U of Illinois. Also, it's the homeplace of Allison Krauss, one of my favorite singers, and David Foster Wallace, one of David's favorite authors. But the real thrill was checking into the Holiday Inn Express. I knew, I just knew that the young man taking down my address would comment when he heard that I lived in Chapel Hill, NC. He did, and I said, "Yep, 2005. Men's Basketball Championship." It felt really good.

Driving Day #3, Urbana, IL to Perry, IA. Again, not much to report on the drive. We stopped at McDonald's for a Happy Meal and another "Cars" toy. Grace flipped out over getting a yellow punch buggy, and Johnny was quite jealous, you could tell.

So, we arrived at Grandma Mo's and David's sister Sandy (the one who lost her husband recently) had all of this stuff ready for the kids: a kiddie pool, water guns, water balloons, beach balls, buckets, sidewalk chalk. It was really great. And even better, Sandy played with and entertained the kids the rest of the day.

We spent the 4th of July like you'd expect in small-town America: we dressed in red, white and blue, walked to the corner to watch the town's parade, got a lot of candy thrown at us, went back home to swim and visit with family in the backyard, then had a cookout/picnic outside before fireworks. The highlight of the parade were the monstrous John Deere tractors, a sight we just haven't seen in the Chapel Hill parades.

The next few days in Iowa were filled with great food, eating ice cream every single day, going out to lunch with the ladies, having dinner with David's niece and nephew and their children, (who dubbed Johnny the "naughty man." He had a new little chainsaw toy, so I thought it was funnier to call him the "naughty tree cutter."),watching Romantic Comedies with David's mom, going to the big mall and pretty much taking it easy. They have this frilly Victorian tea room that the "girls" went to for lunch one day, and we decided that Grace was old enough to go. She did great, but leading up to it, Johnny caught wind that Grace was getting to do something he wasn't, so, of course, he insisted that he wanted to go to the tea room, too. Talk about a bull in a china shop. There's this hip coffee shop in the ghost-like downtown in Perry, and we all had time in the morning for an outing, so I told Johnny that he was going to get to go to the tea room after all. At the coffee shop, I ordered caffeine-free hot tea (with an ice cube) for Johnny and Grace, and they both felt really big. We got away with making Johnny think he had been to the tea room and therefore had not missed out on anything that Grace got to do that he didn't.

Johnny was climbing a chair and slipped and landed on the spout of a sippy cup and cut his eyelid right at the brow bone. It didn't bleed for long, so we didn't go to the ER but it's going to leave a scar. David and I call those "near misses." The day after we left Iowa, David's dad fell and cut his eyelid open and did have to go to the ER and get 15 stitches!!

Driving Day #4, Perry, IA to Indianapolis, IN, Still no DVD player (but we knew we could pull over at any time and buy one) and we're all starting to get on each other's nerves. Johnny broke my sunglasses, again, and I wonder: do I keep buying $3 sunglasses because Johnny keeps breaking them, or do they keep breaking because they're $3 sunglasses? We try to stop every three hours, but because of all of the coffee and water that David consumes first thing in the morning, we end up stopping every hour. I get ticked at this, so the next thing I know, David is relieving himself in a gatorade bottle. We tell the kids that they can pick out a toy under $5 at each three-hour stop, and we relish in the greatness of Walgreens and inexpensive toys. Johnny is thrilled with his toy motorcycle and declares that he wants a motorcycle for his third birthday (that is just around the corner). Grace gets a little stuffed pony that makes a jingly noise when you press it, and we have to listen to the jingle ad-nauseum.

On David's shift in the backseat between the kids, he draws pictures and makes up silly stories. We all laugh a lot. On my shift in the backseat, I rediscover the magic of oragami paper folding and with the colored construction paper that I smartly packed, I create balloons, boxes, and paper cranes. The kids are amazed.

There's more whining, crying, and screaming on this leg of the trip but we make it to Indianapolis with the knowledge that we'll be sleeping in our own beds the following night.

Driving Day #4, Last Day-Indianapolis, IN to Chapel Hill, NC. This day was the toughest, hands down, and I gave up trying to keep the car in any shape of clean. Pretzels were spilled everywhere, candy wrappers too but it was almost over. David and I pressed on, looking forward to the Venti Starbucks coffee we would both get in Buckley, WV. David finally popped a DVD into his laptop for the kids, but realized he hadn't charged his laptop up and only had 24 minutes of power. We all got punchy at the very end, but in a good, fun way. Remember the songs, "Great big gobs of greasy, grimey, gopher guts?" and "When you're climbing up a poll, and you feel something roll...?" We all laughed at those, and I don't know which I enjoyed more: making the kids laugh, or David laugh. We listened to a lot of songs, over and over. Johnny's most requested: "Up" by Shania Twain, and Grace's: "Yellow Submarine."

Our time together was so intense for those 45 hours in the car together and the trip in general, that it was very tough for everyone to get back to their schedules yesterday. Johnny broke my heart crying yesterday morning, because he just didn't want to go to school. I managed to talk him down from his sobs, but when it was time to climb back into his carseat, even though this time it was only a 10-minute drive, he started sobbing again. I don't blame him. I didn't want to go back to work myself.

For better and for worse, I hope the kids remember the trip for a long time. I know I will.


Albert Paley

Tales From the All-American Road Trip

Ahh, I'm back from a ten-day road trip to America's heartland. First to Owensboro, KY, (birthplace of Johnny Depp and the world's best barbeque), for a mini reunion with my mom's two sisters, their children and their children, and then on to Perry, IA, the quintessential midwestern small town, to spend a few days with David's family. Forty-five (45) hours spent driving in the Honda CRV, with no DVD player, and we managed to get back home with minimal shouting, pinching, flipping, crying, ignoring, and relieving our bladders in creative ways. The kids did pretty well too. I'm waiting on the pictures, so check back for updates. A recap of the highlights, the lowlights, and the headlights:

Day One: Chapel Hill to Owensboro, 13 hours. David and I decided that we would breakdown and buy the double DVD player, but when I went to pay at Sam's Club on the eve before our trip, my card (for my account at work) was denied. Forget it. Didn't have time to waste going to Best Buy. We always pass a Super Target and like-minded stores along I-40 near Knoxville, TN, so we planned to drive the first leg sans entertainment from the Wiggles, Elmo, anything Disney or Dora or Blue's Clues. First leg of the trip, pretty good. We were fresh. We were happy. The kids napped. Got to the Super Target in Knoxville, only to learn they did not have any double DVD players in stock. About to purchase a $200 single player that might not provide optimal viewing pleasure for both Grace and Johnny, I said to David, "STOP! Let's wait and buy the one we really want in KY."

Arrived at my first cousin's house in KY to be greeted by happy young people, great food, and an inviting pool. Saturday is the day on which to report, however, because it was as near a perfect day as I can remember. We started the day off with coffee, yummy breakfast treats, a leisurely dip in the pool and alternating turns on the GameBoy dance machine game that is all the rage. Have you tried that thing? You watch a tv screen while listening to a fast-paced dance beat and have to move your feet to the left, to the right, up, down, at the exact time that the corresponding arrow hits its target. Sound confusing? It is. But it's quite addictive once you get the hang of it. At 11:30 AM, I was invited to go to a quilt show with my Aunt Sadie, and while I didn't want to miss any of the reunion action back at the house, I did enjoy the opportunity to spend time with her and get a deeper peek into her creative world of designing and crafting breathtaking works of art. The quilt she's making for Grace is stunning. I can't wait until it's finished and here in this house.


While we were at the quilt show, another mini-van load of cousins arrived and after a quick lunch, it didn't take long for the kids to organize a game of "block war" down in the basement. You know those cardboard play blocks that are life-sized (but not as hard and dangerous)? Well, the idea in block war is for each team to construct a shield and fort out of whatever is handy in the basement. After teams of boys verses girls were decided, we basically started flinging blocks across the threshold as hard as we could. The game was to go on until someone cried. After working up a legitimate sweat hurling blocks for the girls' team, I realized I was the only cousin in my generation that was playing the game. In other words, I was the only "grown up," the only kid with kids partaking in the surprisingly fun (and difficult) game. No one cried, but something called us all upstairs.

A few hours later, the final group of cousins, aunts and uncles came so that by 4:00 PM, all 26 people were present. 21 of the 26 slept right there in the house, like one big slumber party. After block war, we all swam, jumped on the trampoline, ate, challenged each other at "dance party" and had an all-around good time. After dessert, we took three car loads out to "the farm" to light off fireworks, as we were banned from lighting them off in their backyard. Last year, the neighbor's hosta plants got burned to a crisp by an errant bottle rocket. We needed wide open spaces. We sat on bricks to watch the show. Unfortunately, my kids, being the youngest, got out-of-control tired and scared, so our car left early. When everyone returned, the teenaged kids organized a game of Capture the Flag and insisted that the parents (including me) play along. We started at 1o:30 PM and had so much fun that we wanted to play a second round, but the homeowner, my first cousin, had to say no as it was 11:30 PM and we were hooping and hollering and she thought aforementioned hosta-plant-owner neighbor would have something else on us to call the police about. I reassured everyone, no worries, the evening was young, and I initiated an all-ages game of charades. After acting out such titles as "Who Let the Dogs Out," "Mr. Roboto," and "Napoleon Dynamite," the only task remaining for the evening was to wait for little Sam (age 10) to fall asleep so we could put shaving cream on his hand and tickle his forehead so he would wipe his face with his hands and get shaving cream all over it. This event was also initiated and organized by me. Sam didn't fall asleep until 2:00 AM, and the shaving cream was so darn loud coming out, that we girls (me and the younger generation) blew it by laughing so loud that the prank didn't totally work. No worries, I reasurred again, we'd get Sam in the morning by putting stickers on his forehead or by taping a sign on his back that said, "Ask me if I like cheese."

I went to sleep not even that tired, like I could last all night with my cousins' kids, coming up with ways to have totally enjoyable good, clean fun.