The Price of Feeling Well

Number of doctors and specialists I've been to before finding one (who isn't even a doctor...a Nurse Practitioner!) who understands my symptoms: 4

Total cost of books purchased in my quest to feel balanced again: $77.27

Cost of annual gym membership that offers yoga, swimming, weight training and cardio: $600

Out-of-pocket lab expenses to have my blood and saliva evaluated (so far): $351

Balance owed to Integrative Health Clinic because insurance doesn't cover squat: $100 ($500 is paid off)

Number of prescriptions/vitamins/supplements I'm currently taking daily: 11

Total monthly cost of prescriptions/vitamins/supplements I'm currently taking daily: $291

Total cost of alternative therapies I've tried so far (accupuncture, therapuetic massage): $300

Feeling well again: Priceless

Some things in life you can't put a price tag on. For everything else, there's MasterCard.

Team Bridget vs. Team Keaton

My parenting style--make that my life-living style--vascillates between having it all together and holding it all together by a thread. I think of myself as sometimes being an Elise-Keaton- type, but more often being a Bridget-Jones-type. Take for example a party I went to on Saturday. After only two beers, I reached my "tipsy point" and entered that wouldn't-it-be-fun-to-have-a-cigarette-even-though-I-don't-smoke state. I was trying to secretly lure my friend away to the "smoking bench" but blew my cover when I asked her to "sneak off and go
s-m-o-k-e," embarrassingly spelling out the act I was trying to hide in earshot of two adults who can spell. Bridget Jones. Or the time I went back to work after the end of my first maternity leave, and I had on a navy slingback on my left foot and a black one on my right foot. Bridget Jones. Or just a few days ago when David discovered that I had laundered my ipod in my running shorts' pocket, ruining a perfectly good $200 piece of technology. Bridget Jones... and David says I have to go without an ipod for a significant amount of time, essentially being punished, before going out and buying a new one. Then there was the time I drove Grace all the way down to her preschool in Pittsboro only to find out it was a Teacher Work Day. Or the times I've been spotted pushing my kids in a grocery cart in downtown Chapel Hill and Boone, because the carts were there and my kids' feet were tired. Bridget Jones, Bridget Jones, Bridget Jones!!!

I do have some redeeming qualities as a parent and a person. Some of my Elise Keaton moments include pulling together a sold-out fundraiser for the Orange County Literacy Council and getting my kids involved with me to help promote the interfaith community CropWalk to help fight local and world hunger. And getting through a full day that includes dropping Grace off at preschool and a quick mini-conference with her teacher about my concerns over Grace's aggressive behavior towards Johnny, practicing my conversational Spanish via CD on my way to work, getting to work and paying bills, planning for the annual art and psychoanalysis lecture, scoring and entering self-report research measures, and preparing for the upcoming Board Meeting, stopping off at the grocery store on the way home from my forty-minute commute to pick up milk, juice and coffee, putting a square meal on the table in under thirty minutes, creating and implementing a fun yet educational after-dinner activity with my kids, bathing the kids, telling one too many stories about a.) FlatTop the Raccoon at MerleFest, b.) Running into Bob Henshaw at University Mall, or c.) Bruce "Rain" falling into the hole full of bats, reading one too many stories about a.) Disney Princesses, b.) Elmo, or c.) Dora, having a four-sentence conversation with David, and then falling into bed to finish reading the last two chapters of Screaming to be Heard: Hormone Connections that Women Suspect and Doctors (Still) Ignore.

Sometimes I wonder how I can be so scatterbrained one minute but so sharp and focused the next. Maybe it's because I am a Pisces?

Bat Kids

Last month it was Disney Princesses, two weeks ago, it was baseball. Now, it's Batman. Both of them. When David's cousin saw that Johnny was dressed head to toe in Batman regalia, she told us that if we wanted, we could have her kids' outgrown Batman cape, mask, shirt, and special utility belt. Best part: their were two costumes! Are you kidding? Johnny and Grace flipped out, and they've worn little else ever since. When Johnny dons the cape and mask, he is Batman. Grace is Batgirl. When asked to do something while wearing Bat-gear, Johnny corrects me, "I'm not Johnny. I'm Batman." Upon taking his hand to cross the street, Johnny, I mean Batman, asserts, "Batman don't hold hands." Batman also apparently "don't" clean up toys, "don't" hug his mommy, and "don't" eat vegetables. Oh, really. Batgirl is a little more compliant. The only curious thing she does is demand that I tell stories about "Bruce Rain."

Unexpected Roadtrip

At 2:00 AM yesterday morning, we returned from an unexpected roadtrip. David called me at noon Thursday to tell me that his sister's husband had died, and by 2:00 PM on Friday, we were packed up and on the road to Ohio to be with Sandy. The thing is, we never met Brian, and Sandy and Brian had been married for five years. The last time we visited David's family in Ohio was Fall, 2000, before either of our kids were born. And the last time (only time) Sandy came to our house in NC was for a night when Grace was a newborn. Since David's parents moved to Iowa, that's where we go for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and summer visits (but only on one of those occasions per year). We are fortunate that David's other sister, Barb, and her children and their children, live so close to David's parents, because if it were otherwise, I'm sure five years could easily go by between visits with them.

Even though we all admitted it was too bad it took a tragedy for us to all to gather together, Sandy said it best: "That's just the way it is. Always." The point is, we did all make it and had the opportunity for Grace and Johnny to play with two-year old Emma Jane Jenkins and her big brother Justin, who took all three kids under his gentle wing, leading chase games in the basement and music time outside. There was Emma's and Justin's mother, Tina, whom I commiserated with over having a child with special needs. Cousin Ellen and I entered into a very natural conversation, at Laurie's baby shower, about our kids and desires, but also hesitations, in having more children. Aunt Judy raised people's spirits by delighting in the kids and snapping pictures of them in homemade Batman costumes that she and Ellen are letting us borrow. Sophisticated Cousin Brad drove in from Columbus, and it was good to chat with him as we haven't seen him since our wedding in 1998. Uncle Don made an impression on many, with his touching words at Brian's Memorial Service. Laurie and Bill provided new life and hope for the family to talk about and wait for as they count down the days before their first child, a baby boy, is born. Barb and I shared about our writing, books we'd like each other to read, and creative techniques in taking kids' photographs. This wasn't the time to watch movies, but Millie and I ate the famous cinnamon buns at Holiday Inn Express, stood in the kitchen nibbling chocolate cake, strawberry angel food cake, and chocolate chip cookies for hours upon hours, it seemed. And Sandy. Sandy was gracious, numb, happy, apologetic, scattered, tearful, exhausted, irritated, unapologetic, angry, loving, appreciative, sincere, and completely heart-broken over losing the man she thought she'd grow old with.

Letter From Toot

This is a letter from my mom (Toot) to her cousin Katie. Katie recently e-mailed it to me. Click on the image above to make the letter a little bigger. Only family will get most of the inside jokes, but I love the fact that my mom had this type of sense of humor. I'm assuming this letter was written between 1965 and 1970, after my mom and dad were married, but before they had kids. So, that would put her in her mid to late twenties.