Meaningful Music

Last Thursday when Kate called and asked me what I was doing I told her that I was going to hear Grunt's daughter's fiance play the early show at the Cave. Kate relayed that to my dad, who was standing nearby, but he instead heard that Beyonce was playing at the Cave. He later told me that he thought about it for a second, kind of scratched his head and thought, wow, the Cave is really going downhill if they're booking acts like Beyonce. (It didn't seem to cross his mind that maybe it was Beyonce's fall from grace to accept gigs at the Cave). Ah, to live the muddled life of an aging drummer who refuses to wear hearing aids. It must be a strange and confusing existence.

Andy Brasher (Grunt's daughter's fiance) is who I heard and I can honestly say it in no way resembled a show that Beyonce would likely put on. After learning about the show via e-mail from Western Otto out in CO, I forwarded a loose invite to about 15 people, hoping to drum up a respectable local listening audience for our friends from Kentucky. Actually, I had never met Brasher and the last (fuzzy) memory I have of Grunt's daughter Ginny involves some presents, some cake and a girl turning ten. She's in her thirties now. Two of my friends slightly rearranged their dinner plans across the street to make it for about half of Brasher's set. That meant a lot to me, and it must have meant a lot to Andy and Ginny because they made up 2/3 of the respectable local listening audience. So he sang for the three of us (plus Ginny who's along for the tour) big deal. He sang with as much heart, soul, intensity and integrity as he would have had he been singing to a sold-out arena, a large audience that is more common for performers such as, say, Beyonce. Thank goodness it wasn't a sold-out arena, though., If it had been, I wouldn't have had the chance to talk with Ginny, a delightful, open, down-to-earth, lovely young woman with many exciting ventures awaiting her. Our fathers are long-time friends, and through that bond and those ties alone, we understood each other on an unspoken level before we even said hello.

My dad has a circle of friends (they're my mom's friends too) either living in KY, or stemming from KY, that strangely I'm keeping up with. Used to be, these were just grown ups who my parents were friends with, people we saw a lot during holidays and sometimes went on beach camping trips with, but we were kids and they were grown ups. They didn't want us urchins to be hanging around their heels when they were playing cards, and we didn't really want them paying too much attention to us while we were paying attention to the opposite sex. Now things are different. I consider Ginny's dad a real friend...someone who knows where I came from and what I've dealt with but has encouraging words to say to me about the present and even the future.

My mom was very close to Western Otto. When she died, W.O. didn't have a reliable way to drive all the way from CO to Owensboro, KY for her Memorial Service. His buddy in CO (who had met my mom but wasn't a long-time friend) knew how close W.O. and my mom were and said that he would drive him to the service because she was his best friend. Otto knew my mom had a lot of friends (and a lot of male friends in addition to female friends) and figured for sure he probably wasn't my mom's best friend. But when he thought about it, he couldn't think of anyone that was a better friend than my mom, so, yeah, that would make her his best friend. I'll never forget that he made the effort and was there for her Memorial Service.

For the last 5 years, W.O. and I have been communicating over the internet with the lone phone conversation and rained out camping trip sprinkled in. He sends me books, CDs and suggests movies I should watch. He unobtrusively suggests ways I could improve my writing and without fail reminds me to take care of myself and make Bird "numero uno." One time David asked me if I was "Toot" (my mom's nickname) to Otto; in other words am I her replacement to him now that she's gone? I don't think so at all. We have a friendship in our own right that continues to grow and never fails to surprise, amuse and nourish me. I think a lot about the phenomenon of being friends--real friends--with my parents' friends. Does it say more about the kind of people they are or the kind of person I am, or is that even relevant? I try to think who of my friends might Grace and Johnny be e-mailing 30 years from now...perhaps even after I'm gone? I can't even imagine. But I hope it happens.

It's cool to have these deep KY familial and friend connections that change and deepen the older I get and that exist despite how far and scattered we become. I immediately felt close to home listening to Andy Brasher sing with his raw, acoustic, southern-style talent. He has his sights set on Nashville, and I think he'll get there. Maybe he'll even fill arenas and out-sell Beyonce. Until then, the Cave is always open, if Otto suggests I go, I'll be there, and you and your family have a friend in Chapel Hill.