So Very Larry

I dislike grocery shopping. I find the whole affair extremely mundane and tedious, and I resent the fact that it's an activity that I'm required to do every single week. And if my kids are with me? It's downright torture. Yesterday was my first 2008 Sunday afternoon of yoga, Starbucks studying and grocery shopping. Luckily I did not have my kids along or the Larry David-esque story that I'm about to relay would have been 100 times worse!

Harris Teeter had some good BOGO's yesterday and I took advantage where I could. Buy one package of frozen shrimp, get one free. Buy one pint of blueberries, get one free. Buy one container of Arm & Hammer laundry detergent, get one free. I try not to bag items that don't need to be bagged. I didn't bag the Arm & Hammer detergents and put them on the bottom rack of my cart. Loading groceries into my car is almost as loathsome to me as shopping. (But neither tasks are as despised as unloading and putting away at home; that's the worst!) So as I unloaded the many bags into my car, it struck me that only one laundry detergent made it in. What a pain in my butt, I thought. Since I'd only bagged half of my items before a bag-boy took over, I couldn't claim with confidence that both detergents had been on the bottom of my cart. This shadow of doubt propelled me to look through every single bag at every single item I'd just purchased to determine that I'd made it out to my car with only one detergent. There was a part of me that wanted to say, screw it, I'm not going back in. They were half-off anyway so it's not like I've lost any money. It's just too much trouble. I came to my senses and marched back in and on the way in, saw a curious act.

As I walked back in, I passed the man who had been behind me in line (who, coincidentally, looked a whole lot like Larry David). Just as I passed by, he was loading into his car an unbagged container of Arm & Hammer laundry detergent. Just one. I don't remember him having that exact laundry detergent in his cart as he was checking out. In fact, I recall him only buying four or five small items. Hmm, curious indeed. I put on my best Larry David face and stared the man down, right in his eye, as he got into his car. I didn't question him, but my mind began racing as to whether he was carrying off my laundry detergent!

I went back in to my check-out line and told the young man that even though I'd bought two laundry detergents, I only made it out to my car with one. And by the way, the man that was behind me loaded the exact same detergent that I had. Was that just a coincidence that he bought the exact same detergent that I bought or was he getting away with my detergent?
This kid couldn't remember what he'd just scanned, much less the cart contents of two customers ago. So he called his manager over. I explained to the manager hoping she would believe me, because in the end, I was determined to leave with two detergents not one! "I bought two detergents, buy one, get one free, but there was only one in my cart when I got to my car. I think maybe it accidentally didn't get put in my cart." I wondered how many people try to get free stuff this way, because, really, we had no way of proving it unless she came out to my car to inspect the contents of all of my grocery bags. To add to my case, I shared, "And what's really strange, I saw the man behind me with the same detergent, but I don't think that was his detergent, I think that was my second detergent." The manager just looked at me. "Maybe," I continued, "the cashier accidentally left it out of my cart and put it in that man's. "

"Or maybe, " the manager said, "it fell out of your cart." What? I hadn't thought of that. Could that be? That the exact moment I pushed the cart down the curb, one of my detergents fell out? And upon seeing an unbagged carton of laundry detergent on the ground, in the dark, the Larry-David-look-alike thought, "Hmm, someone lost their laundry detergent. Guess I'll take it. Cool!" For a split second I panicked. There would be no way to prove that the detergent fell out of my cart. And if it did, was I just s.o.l? Nope. The manager saw my distress and told me to just go get another one.

Whew. Harris Teeter lost on that particular sale, I broke even, and the Larry-David-look-alike came out ahead. You better believe that I ever see that guy again...