Dude Looks Like a Lady

As I was strolling down the isles in a Super Target yesterday afternoon, enjoying the experience without two preschoolers hanging off my skirt, the "princess dress-up" isle really caught my eye. As I gazed through the Disney dresses, the feathery boas, the high-heeled shoes the sparkly accessories, and the ubiquitous sea of pink, I caught myself thinking, "Ooh, Johnny would really like this." Yes, you read that right. Johnny would really like this. Grace would too, don't get me wrong, but that Johnny, he likes to wear girls' clothes.

I can trace it back about one year, when Johnny was 1 1/2 and very mobile and getting to be extremely verbal. I was taking the kids on a grocery run, and Johnny insisted on wearing Grace's purple flowered 'hoodie.' Mmmm. I wasn't sure I was ready to allow him to wear pink and purple in public, and I wasn't sure I was ready for the conflicting feelings of not being ready. After all, I'm a progressive parent and encourage both of my kids to share all of their toys, despite whether they were marketed for 'girls' or 'boys.' But the clothes-in public-this was a test. I let him wear it, and to the very first passerby that even looked at us, I blurted out, "Yes, he's wearing his sister's sweater!" That was my initiation. Things have progressed in the last year.

About one month ago, right after Grace (age 4 1/2) became offically potty-trained, our good friend, the director of our kids' Spanish-speaking preschool, presented Grace with two Disney princess dresses. Grace was to choose one to keep as a reward for finally, and I do mean f-i-n-a-l-l-y becoming a bonafide "super-duper pooper." Grace picked the "Belle" dress which left a beautiful pink "Aurora" dress that our friend was going to return. Un. Uh. The dress was presented at school, and Grace got to put her Belle dress on over her clothes. When Johnny saw her in all her glory, his big sister, the one he's looked up to all his life and has wanted to do everything and have everything just like, he was absolutely not doing anything else until he got to wear a princess dress too. Luckily there was an extra one on hand. As I arrived at school to pick the kids up, a fellow parent stopped me, and said, "You won't believe what your son has on. It's so cute." I knew immediately it must be a dress, and it was. Grace and Johnny were the belles of the preschool that afternoon, causing quite a distraction. Grace looked beautiful, as she should have, but Johnny looked beautiful too, and kids and parents alike kept looking at him and then me as if to say 'What's wrong with this picture?' and 'Are you ok with this?'

Or maybe I was just imagining that they were looking at me like that. It was cute but it was also a special occasion, and I haven't let Johnny wear a dress to school (or church) since. But damned if he hasn't tried. Anything goes at home, however. Tutus, leotards, fancy high heels, polka-dotted tights, dresses, tiered skirts, tiaras, earrings, necklaces, purses, makeup. Lots of fun. Now let's talk about what Grace dresses up in.

One of my deepest hopes for both of my children is that they are able to evolve into their authentic selves, no matter what society (inicluding me) thinks those selves should look like. Let me add that Johnny's authentic self at age 2 1/2 also includes Power Rangers, Batman, Spiderman, balls of all sport, and all things boy. Are we doing the right thing by letting Johnny dress up like a princess, every single day? Are we doing the right thing by limiting the places to which Johnny is allowed to wear dresses? I don't know. I struggle with it a bit, I admit. But right now, the gender lines are blurred at the Cooley house, and dude looks like a lady!