A Born Romantic

I recently received a treasured gift that was mailed all the way from California from an old friend of mine. I met CDJ 17 years ago when I was waitressing at the Boone Pizza Hut the summer after my freshman year at UNC. CDJ was 8 years older than I and one of the store managers. We became fast friends and by summer's end had become more than friends. The "more than friends" status didn't last much past my return to Chapel Hill that fall, but CDJ will always hold a special place in my heart. He is, quite simply, the most romantic person I've ever met. True-to- the-core romantics like CDJ are people whose imagination trumps pracicality; They are "characterized by a preoccupation with love or by the idealizing of love or one's beloved." There are different levels of love, of course, and I don't know how "true" the "love" was that summer, but it is a time I'll never forget.

The day I got hired I was invited to a keg party at CDJ's house and was given the impression that it was the store's unspoken culture for employees and supervisors to socialize after work on a regular basis. In other words, it was routine, often done, and to be perfectly honest, somewhat expected. Yeah, right, my mom thought, as she wondered whether to allow her Little Bird to go party with her manager 8 years her senior who Little Bird insisted was "just a friend, Mama."

That "friend" bussed my tables leaving the other waitstaff to clear their own empty coke cups and wipe their own pepperronied-pizza sauce off their plastic table cloths. My "friend" routinely told me to restock the salad bar, and when I'd enter the walk-in cooler, there would be tasty TCBY treats waiting for me to enjoy on my break. At the end of my shift if I ordered a pizza to take home, it would somehow end up in the box cut into the shape of a heart. My schedule got rearranged to coincide with his and before I knew it we were spending fun times together both at work and after.

We had mutual friends with whom we went inner-tubing and spelunking. We took trips to the Blue Ridge Parkway where I rode on the back of a (his) motorcycle for the first time. He took black and white photographs of me and picked me over 100 (or was it 500?) Black-Eyed Susans. He invited me to a 5-star restaurant in Linville, and when I told him I didn't think I had anything to wear, he handed me two dresses, one black, and one white, in just my size that he'd just bought. He took me to lots of movies and to my first ever ballet, Mikhail Baryshnikov. He created an animated cartoon with me as the lead character and made me several very fine mixed tapes. We took a road trip to the beach where I met his beloved grandfather and several other family members. We went to ASU football-player parties and were the honored guests as he videotaped all the games back then.

Before I knew it we'd crossed the "just friends" line and soon after, the summer was over. CDJ had threatened to drive three hours on the first day of my Sophomore year just to walk me to class. Guess what, he did? Another day I got back from class and saw a familiar motorcycle in the parking lot, and sure enough, he'd come for a surprise visit and was charming my suitemates with his drawings and charisma.

College happened and by December I was drafting the "Dear John" letter. Despite the "let's go back to just friends" request on my part, CDJ still gave me a beautiful pair of diamond and pearl earrings for Christmas. My mom told me it wouldn't be right to accept them if I didn't feel the same way about him that he felt about me. When I tried to explain this to him, CDJ told me he wanted me to have them in hopes that I'd think about him when I wore them. Guess what (who) I think about when I wear those earrings?

In the new year, we talked less and less but CDJ still tried to arrange a special Valentine's Day date with the help of my roommate. As much as it hurt to hurt him, I'd gained a new Valentine that year. Guess who I haven't seen or talked to in 15 years?

CDJ moved away to film school and actually did a school project on my grandmother who lived in Western KY. I got a birthday phone call every March 8th and at least once my mom reported that CDJ had stopped by our house only about an hour after I'd left home after spring break as he was "driving through the neighborhood." I've reached the point that if I DON'T hear from CDJ around my birthday, it won't feel right.

Some might find it taboo that I'm writing in detail about an "ex" and I mean absolutely no disrespect to David. David knows all about CDJ and something tells me that they would get along just fine if they ever had the opportunity to meet. After a fairly long stretch without hearing from CDJ, I was surprised but delighted to find out that he'd discovered my blog. I completely understood the imulse to look up old friends (even "exes") in cyberspace, as I've done the exact same thing. So he's read my entries, knows about my health struggles and we've e-mailed here and there. I even set him up on a blind date out in California where initially he seemed shocked I would even take the time to do it.

Past Relationships and matters of the heart are funny. Some people you can remain friends with, some you can't. Maybe I needed the years, the distance, my own personal pain, and the overall perspective to relate to CDJ the way I do now. He expressed concern about my depression and health issues and asked me if he could send me a necklace made from healing gemstones. He just wants me to feel better. A friend of his makes the necklaces. I thought it was thoughtful of him to think of and thoughtful of him to ask before he sent it. I received my Ametrine necklace recently, a beautiful stone which combines the psychic awareness and spiritual qualities of amethyst with the creative energy of citrine. In some ways, the necklace has already made me feel better.

I was curious so I asked CDJ in an e-mail if he's still carrying on the same romantic antics that I knew and loved out there in the "golden state." He assured me he was. That makes me happy to know that his romantic energy is being channeled to someone who sounds very deserving.

In yoga the other evening, our instructor asked us to release the intellect of the mind to the compassion of the heart. It's not always easy to do, and I'm proud to be friends with someone who does it best.

We Had Joy, We Had Fun, We Had Good Times in the Sun

We're back...It was a successful weekend. I'll write about it once I get my beauty sleep.

Birdsong Summer 2008

Dear Daddy-

I had fun putting this CD together for you…it's not the definitive Bird's Favorites (I'm not that committal), but I do love all of these songs.

Here's why I picked what I did:

#1 Wildflowers by Tom Petty- I bought this tape the year I moved to Florida, and this is my favorite song on it. I'm a big fan of Tom Petty's music, and if I ever learned how to play the guitar you gave me, this is one I'd like to learn. When you read the lyrics, you'll find that they're appropriate to my leaving NC for Florida. "Run away, find you a lover; Go away somewhere bright and new; I have seen no other; Who compares to you." I HATE using the term lover (remember that guy from the dorm who yelled, "Hi, Sarah, Lover," and you're like, "I'm her dad." Well, anyway, I guess you could say that I found me a lover in David…but I still hate using that term. Anyway, great tune.

#2 Someday Someway, Marshall Crenshaw- (The version I linked to is not as good as the one on the 1982 CD). CDJ introduced me to Marshall Crenshaw, one of his favorite singers. I always liked this song a lot. And even though you may not remember, we saw Marshall Crenshaw live on the Conon O'Brien show. He didn't play this song, though. That would be too predictable and too much what the audience wanted. MC is like that. Catchy tune, though.

#3 Bleed to Love Her-Fleetwood Mac- This is a song Lindsey Buckingham wrote and I heard it for the first time on the 1997 Dance live album. I fell in love with it immediately. The video is great…but he's making eyes at Christine McVee instead of Stevie. Probably because it's too painful to look directly at Stevie since it's obviously about her. Love it.

#4 Caleb Meyer-Gillian Welch-(Also not the version on the CD) Just to torture you I put two Welch songs on this mix. Seriously, though, she's up there as one of my favorite musicians. I read that this is a traditional ballad. Are you familiar with Caleb Meyer? I'm interested in hearing what you think of this version.

#5 Hallelujah-Jeff Buckley-He died in 1994, I think, but is revered as a true talent. This is by far the best I've heard of his, but I'd like to listen to more Buckley. Kind of reminds me of Bono and U2, no?

#6 If I Should Fall From Grace of God-The Pogues- I LOVE The Pogues—just a pleasing mix of rock and traditional Irish. I love the music part of the song first and the lyrics second. Listening to it makes me want to pick up my whistle and play along. The Pogues never let me down. (There's a GREAT duet by Sinead O'Connor and the lead singer of The Pogues that I'll put on your b-day CD).

#7 Breakdown-Jack Johnson-Simple song where the lyrics are more meaningful to me than the chords and stuff. He's asking his train to breakdown cause he needs it, but he can't stop it on his own. I understand exactly what he means. I love this line "And I got no time/that I got to get to/Where I don't need to be." Oh how I long for the feeling of not needing to be anywhere.

#8 Speed of the Sound of Loneliness-Amos Lee- (Couldn't find the Amos Lee version on YouTube and now I wish I'd put this one I linked to on the CD. Rats). I've played this for you, and I have to admit I like John Prine's version better. But I still think it's a beautiful mix of great music and great song-writing and I wanted you to have this version.

#9 What a Wonderful Man-My Morning Jacket- My friend introduced me to MMJ, and this was one of my favorites off of the "Z" album. Read the lyrics. Think he's singing about his dad? Ask that guy you know who sang with MMJ if this song is about someone's dad.

#10 Look at Miss Ohio-Gillian Welch- My favorite Gillian Welch songs actually come from her first record, "Revival," but I like this one quite a bit. I think of Johnny and Grace when I hear the line, "I wanna do right but not right now."

#11 Fix You-Coldplay-Remember a few Christmases ago when I got a Coldplay CD and you'd just read a review of the album in Rolling Stone? And the reviewer said something about how wonderful it was when the driving guitars and drums came in? Well just take a listen. That part is still wonderful. This song makes me think of Mama and me, and it's hard to know when the lyrics are resonating more with what I'm going through or what Mama went through. Kind of like a metaphor for the fluidity between mother and daughter…that I felt with Mama and also feel with Grace. "And the tears come streaming down your face/When you lose something you can't replace/When you lose someone, but it goes to waste/Could it be worse? Lights will guide you home/And ignite your bones/And I will try to fix you." See what I mean?

#12 Natural Child-Hobex-Another one I've played for you. A local band. Saw them live recently. Call it blues-like, blues-twinged, blues-based, blues-ish, blues-y…I just think it rocks.

Hope you enjoy listening to this as much as I enjoyed making it. Happy Father's Day.
Love, Bird

Typical

Yesterday I made an early-morning trip to Harris Teeter for some Starbucks coffee and while I was going David thought it would be a good idea for me to return the Redbox movie he'd rented for the kids. (Word World---try saying that 5 times in a row really fast). So I dutifully returned the DVD case that David had handed me into the red box. Imagine my surprise when I opened our DVD player later that night to put something in for the kids and found the actual Word World DVD still in our machine. Ha ha ha!

A Couple of "You Had to Be There" Lines

At a pool party on Saturday:

Johnny: Mommy, you know how in the SpongeBob movie Plankton is always the bad guy?

Random kid at the pool party who overheard us: Plankton's not a bad guy! He's just overwhelmed!

(I don't know what either of them were talking about, but it made me smile).

Last night at tuck in:

Johnny: Mommy, do chickens cry right before they are cooked into things?

Me: No, because they are already dead when they start getting cooked.

Johnny: Well do they cry when they're getting dead?

Me: Do chickens cry? Did you just ask me if chickens have feelings?