Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Lurking Variables

I miss, you, blog. There are so many lurking and confounding variables (see that, research prof? These terms are finally sinking in) that have affected my blogging these days but I will get back to it when I can. The run down:

1. My hero died last Saturday. Knowing her changed my life and also my ability to deal with her death.

2. I DO seem to have ADD; stimulants DO seem to help; I HAVE lost weight (about 10 lbs); 2 of 3 symptoms are better (the brain fog and the fatigue) but the depression and/or anxiety remain.

Also, in exchange for a healthier mind, my body is compromised. I haven't been to yoga in about 3-4 weeks and when I try poses at home, my once strong, now feeble, legs shake. I'm often jittery, very unstable walking down steps, and the ringing in my left ear has gotten worse. When I lie down at night I can actually hear my heartbeat in my left ear. It's strange but other people have it too. Google it. I did.

3. I love my internship and classes in general. I was born to do this kind of work, and I'm enjoying learning how to do it better.

4. Johnny loves learning too and he tells me that every day. I've been volunteering with his class and will help out at their school's Fall Carnival on Friday. Grace is reading at grade level and is having more sophisticated conversations these days.

5. The other day at a "Women of Western Wake" luncheon, one of the recipients gave some advice to working mothers with young children. She suggested finding ways to blend the different roles we occupy as best we can. I'm trying to figure out how to do that, because I believe that's a good idea. I don't think it's meant just literally, like by taking your kids to work, to classes, etc. To me, it means, having a common denominator in all I'm doing and trying to accomplish. My current paying job helps keep food on the table and allows flexibility for me to go on field trips; My classes get me closer to my degree where I can hopefully gainfully earn and have more time with my kids during the week; they're also teaching me how to become effective in practice; my internship is based on helping children and families become healthier overall; this all affects my mothering and my mothering affects all of it. A lot of my current life seems to be compartmentalized...but I'm trying to find ways to make it less so.

I'm trying to keep my eye on the prize for me, my family, and for those I touch. That prize has become clear: balance, a sense of peace, and wellness of body, mind, and spirit.

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