In Search of a Purple Shirt

Today is purple-shirt day at VBS. Do you know how hard it is to find a purple shirt for a boy these days? On my way home from work yesterday, I stopped off at Target to look for a purple shirt for Johnny. I saw lots of purple girls' clothing and boys' t-shirts in every conceivable color except purple. At last I grabbed a striped button-up that had the closest thing to purple on it that I could find. Johnny took one look and said, "I hate this shirt," and David said, "That's a pretty big stretch, calling a white shirt with green and blue stripes purple." Great. The search continued. After I took the kids swimming, we all three went back to Dollar General in search for splashes of grape juice and plum wine. No luck at all. The only thing purple we saw was a XXL nurse's shirt, and for a split second, I pondered how I could make it work. Then I thought, forget it. Johnny can just wear blue tomorrow. There's only so much I'll do to make God happy. But then, unexpectedly, God made me happy. There it was: a size 4 purple button-down shirt with green palm trees at the bottom. Or was it purple? Grace said yes and Johnny said no. I asked the cashier what color the shirt was and she said "Blue. Purple. It's bluish-purple." I bought it and yes, it was 30% off too.

I was happy with my find, because, let's face it: how many guys reading this own (and wear) purple shirts? And for those of you with sons, how many of your boys have (and wear) purple shirts? We're flipping around the tv last night and land on the Larry King/Paris Hilton interview. And what color is Larry wearing? Purple.

In Search of a Suitable Yellow Shirt

It’s 7:45 PM and I realize that, oh, crap! I still need to pick up a yellow shirt for Johnny to wear to Bible School tomorrow, because tomorrow is yellow-shirt day. The kids need to be bathed, their teeth need to be brushed and stories need to be read (we can’t skip bath tonight, because they both smell like wet dogs), and we have precisely one hour and fifteen minutes to accomplish all of this as David and I both have important (separate) conference calls to take at 9:00 PM.

Luckily it’s David’s night to do bath and I grab the car keys and rush out the door to Cole Park Plaza to hunt for a cheap yellow shirt. David is against the idea of buying a shirt just to wear for one day at Bible School, but he’s also against the idea of the alternative: me dressing Johnny in a winter Batman vest in 100-degree weather (at least it’s yellow). David can’t have it both ways, and one way or another, Johnny will be wearing yellow tomorrow.

We have a Dollar General, CVS, and Lowes Foods not too far from home. My first bet's on Dollar General, with CVS and Lowes as close fall-backs (respectively), because have you noticed what kinds of non-drugstore and non-grocery store items these places sell these days? Almost all kid birthday party and teacher appreciation gift-buying can be knocked out at CVS, and I’ve been known to Christmas-shop at Lowes (think fuzzy, cozy throw blankets and XXL navy fleece pullovers) while I’m there picking up juice and milk.

But, Dollar General is where I go first, hurrying through the aisles looking for flashes of yellow. I find two bad yellow shirts, but one is slightly less bad than the other. The really bad one says, “Chevy Trucks America” (or something just as stupid) and has these gaudy, big honking trucks on the front. David would kill me if I dressed Johnny in that. The other one is only slightly less ugly with three or four very big Power Rangers on it, but I know it will be a hit with Johnny. I have the Power Rangers shirt in my hand but quickly scan the rest of the kid-racks for bursts of sunshine and corn on the cob. I find some babyish stuff with pale yellow sleeves and decide they won't do on multiple levels. That's when I saw it: a bright yellow shirt, a less-offensive version with a simple black outline of a soccer player. Perfect! Until I saw it was a size 2. I hold it up, eyeball it and determine that even though it says "size 2," my almost 4-yr. old that wears at least a size 5 could definitely squeeze into this for 2 1/2 hours.

It's about 8:15 PM as I take it to the counter and figure the kids are probably basically clean at this point and will be ready for some entertaining stories when I get home with this treasure. The best part (well, actually, the best part came later, it came this morning when Johnny told me that he loves his new shirt--and also that the sun could go to Bible School today because the sun is yellow)--the best part, and I love it when this happens, is that as I got out $6.42 to pay for the shirt, the cashier said, "That will be $4.49." Huh? "It's 30% off."

I love it when a plan comes together.

In Search of the Perfect Genes

I think I've inherited a pesky skin problem from my mom. I remember her saying that her skin started acting up in her 30's.

Dermatologist: Don't worry, it will clear up when you're about 40.

My mom: FORTY ??!!! I'm not even going to care when I'm FORTY!!

Dermatologist: Oh, you'll still care.

If 40 is the new 30, that puts me right around 25. I definitely still care.

And Then Not So Funny

Upon hearing about Grace's "wandering off" incident the other day from the Weaver Street lawn all the way inside Carr Mill Mall, all the way over to Elmo's Diner. At night. In the dark. By herself.

Me: Grace, honey, you cannot wander off like that. It's very dangerous. Do not ever wander off from Mommy or Daddy again. Do you understand?

Grace: Are you have gum?

Me: Grace-look at me in the eye. This is very serious. Do not ever wander off, ok? Remember those bad guys in Home Alone? Well, there are a lot of bad guys out there, and those guys that brought you back to Daddy could have been bad guys.


Grace: But they weren't bad guys, Mommy, they were nice.


Me: Oh, Grace, you are so sweet, I can't stand it. But there's a lot about life that that you don't understand yet.

Grace: My name is Grace Cooley Elizabeth.

Me: (See what I mean?)

Morning Funny

Johnny: I wish my name was REEEEEEEEcky! (?)